Sayings and Quotations

Hope you enjoy our collection of pithy sayings and quotations - some are well-known, some not. They all seem appropriate for slightly eccentric women "of a certain age"!

Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it! _{Auhor Unknown}

Conform and be dull! _{J. Frank Roble}

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels._{Faith Whittlesey}

It is sad to grow old, but nice to ripen. _{Bridget Bardot}

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles. _{Sigmund Z. Engle}

It is impossible for a hatless woman to be chic. _{Emily Post}

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority,
it is time to pause and reflect. _{Mark Twain}

If a woman rebels against high-heeled shoes, she should take care to do it
in a very smart hat. _{George Bernard Shaw}

My advise to the women's clubs of America is to raise more hell
and fewer dahlias. _{James McNeill Whistler}

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down
and forget where they left them. _{Author Unknown}

It gives me great pleasure, indeed, to see the stubbornness
of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed._{Albert Einstein}

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times
the same good things for the first time._{Friedrich Nietzsche}

"The Senility Prayer"
God, grant me the senility
To forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference!_{Author Unknown}

She deserves paradise who makes her companions laugh._{The Koran}

If wrinkles must be written on our brows, let them not be written upon the heart.
The spirit should never grow old. _{James A. Garfield}

How beautifully leaves grow old.
How full of light and color are their last days! _{John Burroughs}

Old age ain't no place for sissies! _{Bette Davis}

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs.
I think of them as stray eyebrows. _{Janette Barber}

Whoever thought of the word "mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I am supposed to put my breast in an envelope and mail it to someone. _{Jan King}

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. _{Samuel Ullman}

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. _{Mark Twain}

There is no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra three years
in the geriatric ward. _{John Mortimer}

The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob
also turns to the left. _{Jerry Wright}

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. _{Bob Hope}

I finally got my head together and my body fell apart. _{Author Unknown}

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age. _{Victor Hogu}

There is a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. _{Author Unknown}

There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age - I missed it coming and going! _J.B.Priestly

I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. _{Author Unknown}

To be seventy years young is sometimes more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old. _{Oliver Wendell Holmes}

There is still no cure for the common birthday. _{John Glenn}

Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces to their hearts. _{Martin Buxbaum}

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. _{Henry David Thoreau}

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up
by itself. _{Tom Wilson}

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. _{George Burns}

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff! _{Author Unknown}

The idea is to die young as late as possible. _{Ashley Montagu}

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. _{Herm Albright}

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for awhile and
it shrinks two sizes! _{Author Unknown}

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. _{Arthur Rubenstein}

The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because, by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. _{Author Unknown}

You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen. But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing. _{Marie Stopes}

Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic. _{Rosalind Russell}

You don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. _{Doug Floyd}

Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece. _{Author Unknown}

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. _{Bernard Baruch}

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory.
I forgot the other two.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when:
~ work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
~ it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
~ caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
~ you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.

By the time you're wise enough to watch your step, you're too old to go anywhere.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way thru Congress.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

You know you're getting older when:
~ you bend down to pick something up off the floor and you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.
~ you find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

"The Benefits of Growing Older"
* Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
* Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
* It's harder and harder for sexual harrassment charges to stick.
* People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
* Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
* Your eyes won't get much worse.
* Things you buy now won't wear out.
* No one expects you to run into a burning building.
* There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
* Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
* In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
* Your back goes out more than you do.
* Your arms are too short to read the newspaper.
* You know the lyrics to and can sing along with the elevator music.
* You can get into heated arguments about pension plans.
* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

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